I voted for change on November 4th, and I got it.
Actually, every candidate had “change” in their slogan this year.
Obama: “Change We Can Believe In.”
McCain: “Change is Coming.”
Nadar: “Can You Spare Some Change?”
Ron Paul: “Love You—Never Change.”
But you won’t believe what happened, and I’m telling the truth. On the very next day after the election, I opened my freezer and discovered a half-eaten pint of Ben & Jerry’s Coffee Heath Crunch, where a half-eaten pint of Orange Sorbet used to be. That is my kind of change! “Happy days are here again . . .” (It might be hard to imagine me doing The Happy Dance, but try.)
Coffee Heath Crunch would never stay in my freezer. I love ice cream. The only reason I had sorbet in the freezer is because, well, it’s sorbet. It’s been there a year. I had never tasted Coffee Heath Crunch before, and yyyyummm, it was great. I finished it off.
Usually all I need is a spoonful or two of ice cream, then I can close the lid, put it back in the freezer and walk away, unless it’s Oatmeal Crunch—then I eat two bites, close the lid, shut the freezer door, walk five steps, turn around and repeat until it’s gone. I think they flavor it with crack.
The economy is in trouble, the war is awful, health costs skyrocket. I’d have gotten politically involved a lot sooner if someone had promised to turn sorbet into Coffee Heath Crunch. That’s like water into wine: something the religious right might want to consider.
So if you want my vote for next year, here are my suggested campaign slogans:
“Ben & Jerry’s in every freezer.”
“Crossword puzzles you can finish!”
“Your espresso maker will finally work right!”
“Rock hard abs in just two weeks!”
That’s change I can believe in.