Michael Campbell

Fire in the fireplaceFull of Christmas cheer!Fire in the fireplaceHappy New Year!Fire in the fireplacePretty as — fuck!That's not the fireplace!Call the fire truck!

It was a dream opportunity. One of my favorite bands asked me to join them.Never mind that I was older. Or that I wasn't any kind of a rocker. Although I own some Spandex, I don't look good in it. As much as rock bands strive to have good songs, they ache for a cool...

I stood in the dark, wet alley behind the movie theater. It was a small-town theater, and the alley, lined with saggy cobblestones, was barely wide enough for the garbage truck to get through. I stood alone, waiting for the actors to come out. At eight years old, I...

The first time I witnessed a real breakthrough in the culinary arts was when a fistful of Pop Rocks exploded in my mouth. Not as in, "exploding with flavor!" As in, blew up. "Taste the Explosion!" the packaging exclaimed. I knew what an explosion tasted like. A...

I grew up in a big house in a small town. A third of that house was basement, the Midwestern kind with a cellar door angled nearly flat to the ground. Like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, you bent down to open it, and yes, you usually had to kick it a time or two to...

So the president's opinion on gay marriage is evolving. I know better to jump into that discussion, so… [ jump! ] He chooses his words carefully. Evolving is not the same as changing. To evolve is to develop new characteristics ever so slowly, so slowly you can't even...

It's getting harder to buy soap. Maybe it's a guy thing, but once I find a laundry soap that works, I stop comparing. I go to the store and buy my brand, ignoring all the blinky, shiny, orchid-scented, double-concentrated, softener-added products surrounding it. I...

I hate going to the doctor. Still, I go every ten years or so, whether I need it or not. Mostly. I hate all the waiting. Who else has a room specifically named for waiting? Then you wait in the examination room for the doctor. He bops in, chats about your maladies,...

I was 27 years old when I learned that ketchup doesn't come with a refrigerator. Every fridge I ever saw had ketchup, mustard and pickles. I never met anyone who bought ketchup. My formative years were spent living with a series of women, starting with my mother....

When my twin daughters neared sixteen years old, I forced driving on them. I love to drive. I was baffled to discover how many of their friends were seventeen or eighteen before bothering to get around to the driver's test. To me, driving was up there with the Statue...